Maria was 20 when her long-distance boyfriend chalked up her communication style as toxic, controlling behavior. At first, calls and texts helped them overcome the gaps created by the distance and time difference; she lived in California and he lived in Florida.
But a year into the relationship, he left many of Maria’s messages and calls unanswered, complaining that she texted him too much. Meanwhile, if she didn’t respond to his calls or texts immediately, he would call her nonstop, even going as far as texting her mother to check on her. Maria called off the relationship soon after.
“I was told I was being tóxica or controlling when all I wanted to know was that they were alive and well so I wasn’t worried about their safety,” Maria tells Refinery29 Somos. “It’s harmful to perpetuate the stereotype of calling Latinas ‘toxicas’ because it’s predisposing ourselves to being treated as if our feelings are an exaggeration, and that our points of view are not valid. It can also perpetuate excusing and tolerating abusive behavior from a partner, making it seem normal just because of the tóxica label.”
“It’s harmful to perpetuate the stereotype of calling Latinas ‘toxicas’ because it’s predisposing ourselves to being treated as if our feelings are an exaggeration, and that our points of view are not valid.”
maria
In the past, Maria has been called a tóxica by an ex-boyfriend, a former friend, and even her dad. Sure, she says her dad was only teasing her, but that word can cut like a knife when it comes from people you care about. While songs, TV shows, and social media might suggest otherwise, leaning into the decades-old stereotyping of Latinas as toxic and jealous, even as a joke, does more harm than good.
“The ‘toxic’ label enforces harmful, one-dimensional stereotypes that strip Latinas of their individuality, reducing them to caricatures centered on jealousy and/or controlling behaviors. This stereotype ignores the complexities of Latina identities, adds pressure to conform to unrealistic standards, and dismisses any valid concerns they might raise,” Luis Cornejo, a licensed marriage and family therapist who uses they/them pronouns, says. “This can prevent Latinas from feeling safe to express their feelings or address real issues within relationships without fear of being labeled as ‘tóxica.’”
In pop culture and social media, Latinas are often depicted as controlling, possessive, obsessive, manipulative, easily angered, and distrustful, primarily in romantic relationships but sometimes in friendships or family relationships as well. They are characterized as girlfriends who feel insecure about their partners spending time around other women, who want to know every detail about their partners’ whereabouts, or who go through their partners’ cellphones whether or not they have their consent to. There are currently more than 3 million posts on TikTok under #toxica, with videos from men and women making memes about this stereotype. So where did this trope come from?
“The ‘toxic’ label enforces harmful, one-dimensional stereotypes that …read more
Source:: Refinery29