No matter what she tries, he’s not in the mood (Picture: Emily Manley/Metro.co.uk)
Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but a lack of physical intimacy is a deal breaker for many people.
It can leave you questioning yourself, wondering whether your partner still desires you or you’ve done something to cause a change in their libido – just like this week’s Sex Column reader.
Although her boyfriend of five years has never had a particularly high sex drive, the fact it’s dwindled even further in recent months makes her feel neglected and insecure.
Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to check out last week’s column, from a woman who worries her good looks are putting men off long-term commitment.
The problem…
I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years, and 18 months ago we moved in together. At first everything seemed fine, but gradually sex has become less and less of a feature in our lives, to the point where we hardly ever make love now.
He’s never been sexually driven, which I found quite endearing at first, because he isn’t one of those guys who gets hot and heavy at the slightest touch. But there are times when I feel a bit neglected or worry that he doesn’t find me attractive anymore.
We used to have sex a couple of times a week, but now it’s very rare. I’ve tried making the first move but he usually says he’s too tired. I’ve gone out of my way to wear short skirts and look sexy, but he doesn’t seem to notice, and when I recently got some daring lingerie to impress him, he just said it ‘wasn’t me’. I’ve tried getting him warmed up with alcohol, but then he says he’s too drunk to perform. I’m at a loss now – I feel like no matter what I try, he’s just not into sex.
Apart from the physical side we do have a good relationship, and share the same interests and sense of humour. I worry that if I leave him, I won’t meet anyone else, but I want to have a family and wonder how I’ll ever get pregnant if we never have sex.
The advice…
Your boyfriend’s indifference to sex is not caused by an issue with you, so please don’t beat yourself up or feel you’re not attractive. It’s unlikely that any woman could turn him on, no matter what, because the problem lies within him.
When guys lose their sex drive like this, it’s often a symptom of a deeper problem. He may suffer from well-hidden depression, or a number of other medical issues that can lead down this road. Ask him to make an appointment with his GP for an overall health check to see whether a doctor can get to the root of it.
Meanwhile, it’s important to communicate your feelings to him; be honest about what’s going on, without resorting to personal criticism. Sometimes just a heart to heart can be very revealing and help you find out what lies …read more
Source:: Metro
