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Hospitalised with AIDS, I wanted an assisted death – now I’m opposed


Jason Reid - I was in favour of assisted dying; not any more

Jason, left, and his brother when Jason was in hospital (Picture: Jason Reid)

In September 2005, I was a patient at St. Bartholomew’s hospital in East London being treated for AIDS-associated illnesses. 

There seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel as I approached one full month on a ward. 

My immune system was decimated and every day brought new challenges as a result of life-threatening infections like meningitis and pneumonia.

Before this, I was a young person in my early 20s with a happy disposition who didn’t think about my own mortality. 

Then, I began to experience unabated seizures in hospital, where I lost all control of my body and mind. 

In one instance I suffered a cardiac arrest and had to be resuscitated. 

Jason and his dad (Picture: Jason Reid)

Eventually I was able to think clearly for a short time because I wasn’t violently convulsing or unconscious or in a diazepam daze. 

I wasn’t given an explicit prognosis by doctors at this time, but, to be completely frank, I would have welcomed death as an escape from the suffering and prospect of it continuing. 

I thought this was my life, and I knew I didn’t want it to be. The hope was ebbing away.

As the debate around assisted dying comes to a head with a vote in Parliament this week, I’ve been reflecting on this lowest point in my life. 

Because while I didn’t say it, or even coherently think it at the time, I was firmly in favour of assisted dying – for me, or anyone else that might want it. 

Amanda is for assisted dying, read her story here

I already knew of my dad’s support for assisted dying due to conversations we’d had years before his MSA diagnosis.

Dad expressed his preference during his illness too, when he refused a feeding tube and signed a do not resuscitate order; it felt like this was his only way out.

Sadly, it only led to more horror — multiple episodes of pneumonia, adding to the already unspeakable suffering caused by the disease. 

If assisted dying had been an option, Dad could have chosen a peaceful, dignified farewell, surrounded by his loved ones.  

Read more here

I didn’t want to live my life in a constant state of anxiety and arbitrary paralysis. 

I wouldn’t have actually been eligible under the proposed law, as the option would only be available to people given less than six months to live.

But now that I’m living a wonderful life, I’m glad that the way out I considered during my darkest days wasn’t around then, and have become convinced it shouldn’t be now. 

I wasn’t always of this mindset. Until recently, I was steadfastly in favour of assisted dying. To the point that I think I was blinkered because I didn’t engage with or wish to entertain any opposing arguments. 

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Source:: Metro

      

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