Emrhys Cooper shares his story with Metro.co.uk (Picture: BGUK/Metro.co.uk)
As a young boy, it was impossible to imagine the life I have now.
Happily married, with a wonderful home and a career I love, I feel like a whole new person. But my journey to get here – as a gay man completely open and at peace with myself – was long, arduous but, in many ways, strengthening.
From age six, I realised I was ‘other’, though I didn’t know what that other was in terms of LGBTQ+. I just knew I was different from the other kids at school.
I remember the first time I thought being other was bad was when a boy came over to play, and started whacking me with a stick and telling me I was like a girl. It was horrible and I didn’t know why he did that.
I can actually laugh about it now as there is something I have to begrudgingly admit was a little witty about being called ‘Femrhys’ because of my feminine qualities – but back then, the situation felt unbearable and I became introverted, creating a persona to shield myself from the cruelty.
I didn’t know my own identity then and yet, others were already trying to both decide it for me and target me for it.
At 13 years old, my teacher talked to the class about me when I wasn’t at school, and she said that she thought I was gay, and I had feminine qualities. They had a whole class discussion about it.
When I came back to school the next day, one of my friends asked me if I was gay, because of what the teacher had said. At that point, I had an idea, but I hadn’t fully realised yet that I was gay. The bullying that followed made me very good at lying about my sexuality, both to others and myself.
From then, as is certainly familiar to others in the LGBTQ+ community growing up without much understanding or positive queer influences, that façade became my ultimate protection.
A self defensive façade became my ultimate protection growing up (Picture: Dan Collins)
I came to realise much later how damaging it was to push who I really was deep down, replacing it with a person that wasn’t me.
I knew from a young age what I wanted to do and, despite having to keep my love of dance and ballet under wraps for fear of bullying, it was equally the most invigorating escape.
At 16, I moved to London to pursue my love of the arts, and my determination to enter into the industry. Even if it felt like a bit of a pipe dream, dancing and then musical theatre gave me a morale boost – I was good at it and it allowed me not to think about my sexuality, it became a side issue easier to ignore, for better or worse.
And it was here that I found my first relationship, with a girlfriend who I genuinely fell in love with.
Source:: Metro
