DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a young adult who bought a home in one of the highest-cost resort areas of the country — a purchase that strains me financially, but is well worth it.
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While I love my friends and family, I have been astounded by the number of people who came out of the woodwork, asking to come visit, when they learned where I lived. It’s been everyone from distant college acquaintances to cousins who rarely spoke to me before. I have lived all over the country, and no one bothered to visit when I lived in Nebraska or Kansas.
Shortly after buying my home, it felt like I was being taken advantage of, and that my living situation was the reason they visited, not spending time with me. I quickly learned to set personal boundaries so my place did not turn into a bunkhouse. But some time has passed, and I am in a better situation to host on occasion.
Still, it is financially burdensome to do so; I would drown if I allowed each friend to visit even once a season. Many friends have asked, and it adds up: My utilities would be unmanageable in this high-cost area.
Though it may be awful, I would be more inclined to host if folks offered to chip in for utilities and food, since I would be saving them at least $300 a night for a hotel. But this may seem like I am treating my friends as short-term renters.
I am considering allowing a few friends to stay over for one weekend each, but worry that this will open the floodgates and irritate other friends. I also do not have the interest or the energy to host every weekend.
Is it rude to ask guests to chip in? Thoughts on where to draw the line?
GENTLE READER: Here is a novel idea: You only entertain guests whom you have decided to invite. Repeat after Miss Manners: “It’s my house, and I’m the only person authorized to do the inviting.”
And you may add “… if and when I feel like it.”
Of course, that is never what you should tell others. Rather, people …read more
Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment
