DEAR MISS MANNERS: A couple with whom my wife and I occasionally socialize told us about their planned vacation to, among other places, the Gettysburg battlefield.
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I am a Civil War enthusiast and I have three or four books related to the battle, which I offered to lend them to peruse before their trip.
They accepted, and returned the books to my wife after they got back.
When I examined the books, I realized that they hadn’t returned one of them. Later, my wife mentioned the missing book to the other wife, but she insisted that they had returned all of the books.
A few months later, we were at their house for dinner and I noticed the missing book on their shelf. I said nothing, and never raised the issue with the other couple again.
Was that the proper thing to do, or was I too timid? I really liked that book!
GENTLE READER: Presumably, you also liked that couple, as you still socialized with them. Could you not have given them the benefit of the doubt?
Miss Manners agrees that you chose a tactful way to spare them the embarrassment of being caught as thieves. But you don’t seriously think that they intended to steal your book, do you?
Presuming them innocent, you could have said, “The lost book! It got filed by mistake. I’m so glad I found it. I hope you enjoyed it.”
Yes, they would have had some momentary embarrassment while apologizing, but it would be clear that you didn’t think they kept it on purpose. And you would have had your book back.
Miss Manners advises you to invest in bookplates.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was wondering what the appropriate mourning period would be for ex-college sweethearts who are now in their 80s.
The man’s wife died a few weeks ago after a four-year battle with dementia. During that time, his widowed neighbor and former fiancee (from over 40 years ago) supported the couple with frequent meals and visits.
The surviving husband and widowed neighbor would enjoy going out for meals and activities, but feel uncomfortable …read more
Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment
