Dear Eric: I am a 53-year-old widower who has been dating the same guy for more than a year. Fred is 56 and has been divorced for more than 10 years.
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Three months after we started dating, he announced that the weekend trip we were planning on going on was off because he could not find a suitable sitter for his three cats. I told him that I was disappointed, so he compromised and decided to take the three cats with us!
Fred spent the entire weekend playing with the cats, brushing the cats, talking with the cats and he spent an hour trying to coax Mr. Whiskers from under the bed.
Fred talks nonstop about his cats; on the rare occasion we go out, he’s constantly checking his security cameras to see what the cats are doing. I’m beginning to think that Fred cares more about his cats than he cares about me.
When I told Fred that I felt that he was spending too much time with his furry friends, he got angry and hung up the phone. He hasn’t called me in three days.
Should I call him and apologize, or should I wait for him to cool off and call me when he’s ready?
– Cat’s Out of the Bag
Dear Cat’s: Fred’s relationship with his cats is much longer than his relationship with you. So, even though you’re a human and they are regal beings who graciously tolerate humanity, you’re at a bit of a disadvantage.
They’ve provided emotional support and company for Fred, presumably since his divorce. Perhaps even longer than that.
His challenge is going to be figuring out how to fit a relationship into his life. And he should do that work. But if you give him the ultimatum “the cats or me”, you’re not going to win. Nor should you. When we start dating someone, we date the whole person – the good, the bad, the furry, et cetera. Some of those things are going to be deal breakers.
If this relationship continues, I doubt he’ll be less obsessed with his cats. …read more
Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment
