Dear Eric: My youngest daughter, a pediatrician, got a divorce two years ago (her husband had been taking money from her practice and not telling her).
Related Articles
Advice |
Asking Eric: Late night TV brought unwanted drama to our vacation
Advice |
Asking Eric: Do I have to help someone who has made bad choices?
Advice |
Asking Eric: I don’t see why my husband needs to go to the gym at midnight
Advice |
Asking Eric: I’m stunned at my nephew’s extreme reaction to my funny Facebook post
Advice |
Asking Eric: I was blindsided when she snapped into mean-girl mode
Her mother and I divorced 40 years ago and are on good terms. For whatever reason, my present wife and I almost never saw my youngest daughter or her kids. There was no falling-out or other reason for her not to have anything to do with us, but we weren’t included in Christmas, the kids’ birthdays or special events they might be in.
During the divorce, she got into financial problems, and we supported her to the tune of more than $50,000. She told us things were going to change and she would start having more to do with us.
It has been 10 months, and we have heard nothing from her as far as paying back the money or anything else.
So, I am not sure where to go with this, as that money was a significant part of our retirement. Her mother is not in a position to help her.
– Loan Danger
Dear Loan: I hope that you and your daughter drew up a loan agreement or other document that set out the terms of the loan and the desired schedule for repayment – or even just the understanding that this is a loan and not a gift.
Documents of this sort can be awkward with family, but with the amount of money you’re talking about, it’s better to feel briefly awkward than to end up resentful because of dire financial straits.
Even if you don’t have anything on paper, it’s time to have two separate conversations about your relationship and expectations.
Money first. Ask her what her plan is for paying the money back. Explain how it impacts you and get a realistic schedule from her. If she’s still not financially secure enough to make even small payments, you need to know that so that you can plan accordingly.
Then, have a relationship talk. Ask her if her promise to change was genuine or, if not, what her reasons for being estranged from you are.
I’m not very comfortable with …read more
Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment
