Dear Eric: My husband and I have been married for more than 30 years.
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Recently at a family gathering his former wife made several unwarranted comments regarding my husband (who is the father of their only child). Additionally, to try to make a point, she threw her own child under the bus, so to speak.
I did not respond, so as not to create a scene. I think of my husband’s child as my own and would never want to hurt them in dealing with their mother.
What is the best way to avoid unwanted, unwarranted, and snarky comments? There is an upcoming wedding and I just dread being around her.
– Ex Strife
Dear Ex Strife: Depending on how big the wedding is, my first suggestion is that you talk to anybody but her. It sounds like she’s feeding on the conflict, so if you don’t give her an audience, she’ll have to find something else to eat. Hopefully, the wedding food is good.
If she’s unavoidable, then directness is your best bet. “The last time we were together, you said some things about [husband] and [child] that I didn’t appreciate. You’re entitled to your feelings, but I don’t agree. I’d like to have a nice time tonight with you. Can we do that?”
It’s been more than 30 years since her marriage to your husband ended. She doesn’t have to be over whatever is bothering her (and, who knows, maybe some of her snark is justified). But it would be better for her if she was.
Regardless, that conflict lives within her and between her and your husband. Your best bet is to draw a boundary and keep your distance.
Dear Eric: I divorced my wife after 25 years of marriage. After she went on some medication for depression, her personality changed, and she became unfaithful with a series of men.
I never told my three children (now adults, early 30s) about the affairs to protect their relationships with their mother.
Over the last …read more
Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment
