Dear Eric: How do senior siblings sort out who should do what for other senior siblings, parents and needy younger relatives?
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Does it matter if some need help because of risky or harmful life choices?
I’m being vague so my siblings don’t recognize me.
– Role Requirements
Dear Role: Every family has to come up with their own metric for providing care to each other.
Many do it automatically, though that can result in a family situation where one member is expected to take on more than is fair, simply because she spoke up or is good at it. At the same time, our relationships don’t conscript us into service, but our service to each other is often how we show our love.
Reading between the lines of your question (or, who am I kidding, spelunking between the lines), I’d guess that you are weighing your obligation to family against a feeling that they’ve brought their misfortune on themselves.
Here’s where I come down on it, having spelunked comfortably into the bottom of the question cavern: People we love make mistakes sometimes. We can choose to watch them suffer in service of learning a lesson, or we can offer help to fix things. Attempting to do both at once rarely works.
Dear Eric: I’m not close to my sister. Over the years, there has been very little contact, except when she needs money.
She and two of her adult daughters have called asking for money, one asking more than once.
I want to keep peace in the family, so I’ve given it to them. They said they would pay it back. Not only have they not done so, but they cut off all communication.
I’ve never gotten any pictures of her grandkids, no newsy little notes about their daily life.
One daughter who has not asked for money called to ask us to dinner. We had a nice time, but I know she will soon ask why we don’t all get together. Can I tell her about the money, lack of caring about us or not? She used to ignore me, …read more
Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment
