I came to the unsettling realization that the Christian girls I grew up with were rarely taught about sex, sexuality, or even our own bodies. In fact, of all the Christian girls and women I’ve spoken with, none shared being spoken to about sex in a way that explained it; instead, sex was only shunned. As a result, we spent much of our religious journeys subduing our sexual urges that we overlooked said lack of guidance and education—coming to terms with this was difficult.
We were all once told to wait until marriage before engaging in any sexual activity, with almost no guidance on what to expect when puberty hits and sexual desire becomes overwhelming. When sex is finally discussed, it’s often framed as something we should endure rather than enjoy, and our sexuality is suppressed rather than explored. We’re taught that desire is sinful, and sex—unless within the confines of marriage—should be avoided. Even then, it’s often implied that it should be vanilla and restrained. This lack of education can create deep-seated issues that take years, sometimes decades, to unpack and overcome.
Growing up in a Pentecostal Church and Christian household, I spent most of my childhood and adolescence surrounded by adults who adhered strictly to biblical principles. As a result, I held onto my virginity until curiosity and hormones ultimately prevailed. I had sex for the first time at 18 and the experience was underwhelming, both physically and emotionally. By that age, I had seen enough media to know that a first sexual encounter is often awkward and uncomfortable. Yet surprisingly, the physical discomfort wasn’t the hardest part; it was the alien sensation of sexual feelings within my own body. For the first few years of being sexually active, I wrestled with the belief that I was doomed to eternal damnation, not only for having sex but for wanting it.
Sex eventually became more enjoyable, though I can’t pinpoint exactly when or how this shift occurred. I credit it largely to Christian women who bravely shared that they too struggled with similar feelings. Through countless stories of unwanted pregnancies, poor sexual health, sexual assault, and the emotional toll of navigating sex without proper guidance, I discovered a common thread: a lack of sexual education.
Whilst this is not the case in all churches, many of us received ill-informed abstinence-only sex education from our religious leaders, and the consequences are striking when considered against research. In the American Journal of Sexuality Education, researchers Sharon E. Hoefer and Richard Hoefer suggest abstinence-only education is less effective at preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) than comprehensive sex education. Also, American sex-positive therapist and educator Ann R., in her essay “The Intersection of Faith and Sexuality: Focusing on Female Sexuality and Shame”, notes that “Christian teachings have framed sexuality, especially female sexuality, in terms of purity and sin, often leading to a culture of shame. This framework not only restricts women’s understanding of their own bodies and desires …read more
Source:: Refinery29
