“Cinco, seis, siete, ocho. Metatarso. Dos a la izquierda. Tres a la derecha.” These are the only words occupying my brain on Wednesday and Friday evenings. But after a tough bout of postpartum depression, these counts have become more than a sequence of steps; they’re an anthem of perseverance in the most unexpected way.
My second pregnancy was difficult from the start. The restless leg syndrome came on nightly like clockwork; the hernia made it difficult to walk; the brain fog was so incredibly thick that I once accidentally left my oven on all day, even while I took a two-hour nap. On the hardest days, I needed help going to the bathroom. I spent most of the pregnancy in pain, mourning my independence. By the end of my 42 weeks — for reference, a full-term pregnancy is 40 weeks — I couldn’t wait to feel like my usual self. I craved the ability to move and use my body in a way I hadn’t in almost a year. I dreamed of the day I would feel strong or, at the very least, coordinated again.
I birthed my baby boy in February 2023. Despite my coronavirus diagnosis, I expected to bounce back like I did the first pregnancy. A week passed, and I still hunched over as I walked. Two weeks later, I was still hanging on to furniture to get from one room to the next. It took months to get my mobility back fully, but by then, the sleep deprivation was so all-consuming as my baby boy refused to sleep at night and spent his days fussing and crying. Exhausted, frustrated, and mentally spent, I cried so often that I could feel those closest to me becoming concerned.
“Exhausted, frustrated, and mentally spent, I cried so often that I could feel those closest to me becoming concerned.”
Stephanie Montes
But even after my mom and husband tried to intervene and my doctor tried prescribing me antidepressants (which I chose not to fill), I still didn’t realize I was experiencing severe postpartum depression. Dr. Christine Coleman, Ph.D, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in the mental health of women of color, says, “10% to 15% of women experience postpartum depression, which is difficult to distinguish.” She adds that symptoms can occur anywhere between weeks and months after delivery and last up to a year after.
I was in a vicious cycle of rolling out of bed early to feed the baby, making it so I lacked energy by the time my toddler woke up. I put on my mom hat while my emotions hung by a thread. I counted the minutes until my husband would come home and relieve me from my parenting duties, only to realize I couldn’t rest as an insurmountable amount of professional work awaited me day after day. I stayed up trying to catch up on work and often rolled into bed minutes before yet another morning feeding. Aside from being …read more
Source:: Refinery29
