For the first year of Gwyneth Paltrow’s marriage to second husband Brad Falchuk, they happily lived apart, a choice that the film star and Goop entrepreneur described as a way of preserving their individual autonomy and romantic sense of “mystery.”
Some might dismiss Paltrow’s live-apart arrangement as another example of an outré, Hollywood approach to intimate relationships, coming from a lifestyle influencer who famously promoted “conscious uncoupling.”
But Marin County journalist and author Vicki Larson says that live-apart couples are more common than people might think. It’s estimated that around 10% of adults around the world live away from their partners — and not necessarily because their jobs or personal circumstances prevent them from creating a home together, as Larson explains in her new book, “LATitude: How You Can Make a Live Apart Together Relationship Work” (Simon & Schuster).
Vicki Larson, author of “LATitude: How You Can Make a Live Apart Together Relationship Work” (Photo/Kim Thompson Steel)
Many of these live-apart couples choose to have separate households, even if they are married or in long-term committed relationships, making them part of a trend that’s gaining notice in media, academia and the general public, Larson observes.
This choice certainly raises questions, namely, who are these people and why don’t they want to live together? Larson’s book seeks to answer these questions, while also challenging the idea that cohabitation is necessary for all happy, successful relationships, or that people who choose otherwise are afraid of commitment.
To explore this new dynamic in personal and family relationships, Larson conducted extensive research and interviews. A former lifestyle editor for the Marin Independent Journal, Larson previously explored a new model for women’s midlife independence in her 2022 book, “You’re Not Too Old For That.”
When it comes to LAT couples, she found that such arrangements are not for everyone, but they can be beneficial to some, especially to women. As the saying goes, absence can make the heart grow fonder and, for some couples, potentially lead to more intimacy and better sex, she writes.
Here, Larson explains the LAT approach to coupledom and what it takes for willing partners to make it work. Catch her in person at 6 p.m. Wednesday for an author appearance at Sausalito’s Books by the Bay.
Q: When people think of LAT couples, they might envision couples who are living in separate cities because of careers. But that’s not quite what you’re talking about, is it? How are LAT couples generally defined?
A: What makes LAT couples different is that they are choosing to live separately, because it suits their needs as individuals and as romantic partners. When “live apart together” was first coined by sociologists Irene Levin and Jan Trost in 1999, they said three things must occur to be considered LAT: the couple agrees that they’re a committed couple, others see them as a committed couple, and they must live in separate places.
That definition seemed too restrictive to me for the purposes of my book, so I include LAT couples who live on different levels or different …read more
Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment
