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I’m 21 and already having to think about having kids because of my endometriosis


Phoebe with her dissertation

The only consolation I have had for my broodiness has been late-night scrolling through threads about broodiness on mumsnet (Picture: Phoebe Snedker)

Just like clockwork, I’m back in the hospital waiting room.

My leg bounces as I wait for my name to be called, hoping that this month’s consultation will have better news than the last. But it never does. 

‘Maybe next month!’ my nurse will tell me – knowing there’s nothing she can say that will actually ease my frustration at an ever-growing waiting list for surgery. 

I lift up my sleeve, ready for my monthly dose of Prostap – a drug that keeps my body in a menopausal state. I clench my fist in preparation for the pain, but the injection will never hurt as much as the sound of newborns crying from down the hall.

The thing is, I have chronic pain, bladder issues, and as a result of my endometriosis, I’m in a chemical menopause. 

After being diagnosed with endometriosis in 2019, at 19, almost seven years after my nauseating pain, heavy periods and painful sex began, I initially felt hopeful. I knew why I was in so much pain, and was optimistic that my condition would improve post-surgery.

However, my endometriosis – and the pain – returned with a vengeance in the first COVID-19 lockdown, and has continued to worsen ever since. 

The past two years have seen visits to A&E, countless confused doctors, and a lot of new medication. My life revolves around my endometriosis: taking meds, paying attention to when I drink to avoid irritating my bladder, my social life – you name it, my endometriosis will come into consideration one way or another.

I am angry that, as a 21-year-old woman, I’ve been left to deal with this experience alone

While I no longer have periods, I still have a cycle of my own – returning to the hospital once a month for the injection that keeps my body in menopause, and sitting alone in a waiting room that’s full of happy couples awaiting ultrasounds, and new mothers cradling babies. 

This cycle has a pain that cuts deeper than any physical pain.

Every month, my injections stand as a crippling reminder of what I can’t have. Instead of blood, I shed tears, as I sit in the menopause management waiting room, sticking out like a sore thumb because of my age.

I’ve always known that I wanted to be a mother. Being the eldest of five means my maternal instincts have always been at play; from bottle feeding, to helping my siblings with their homework. Adults around me would always say I’d make a wonderful mother one day.

Knowing my diagnosis may prevent me from having my own biological child was hard enough, but since I have been in the menopause because of my endometriosis, waves of broodiness have crippled me in ways I didn’t know possible. 

Seeing baby videos on social media is enough to make my heart sink, and I become …read more

Source:: Metro

      

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