Ask Amy: They attacked me over my innocent dating preference

DEAR AMY: I would classify myself as a generally nice, nonjudgmental friend. I tend to lean toward being a “fixer,” but I have never been called rude, judgmental, or mean.

Columnist Amy Dickinson (Bill Hogan/Chicago Tribune)

Recently I was having what I thought was a benign conversation with a group of friends. I expressed my viewpoint that I wouldn’t want to date a person who was super into spectator sports. This was met with anger, disbelief, and harsh criticism.

I always try to give my friends the benefit of the doubt and accept their opinions (even if I don’t agree), but now I’m feeling judged and outed for not fitting into the group’s majority opinion on this topic.

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Ask Amy: I now realize this isn’t normal sibling behavior

I want to bring up how I’m feeling and address the larger issue (I don’t care so much about the opinion itself as I do the reaction), but I want to make sure I’m not creating more hostility. How would you go about this?

Feeling Judged

DEAR FEELING: It’s best to respond (if possible, with humor) in the moment: “Whoa, ease up, guys. I feel like I’m on a bad Tinder date, here!”

After the fact, you can express: “I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and while I respect that we don’t agree on some things, I left our last meeting feeling like you all really piled on.”

DEAR AMY: Over 20 years ago, my middle school-aged younger sibling was violently sexually assaulted by the adult son of my parents’ best friends.

When my sibling told me about it, I convinced my sibling to tell our mother, assuming she would do the right thing. But alas! Not only did my mother refuse to take any action, she forbade either one of us from telling anyone: the cops, our school counselors, even our dad.

I live with great shame that I obeyed and did nothing more to help my sibling, but I was a minor as well, and didn’t know any better.

Fast-forward two decades, and my sibling and I are well-adjusted adults with loving spouses and wonderful families.

My spouse and I are active in the geek culture scene and attend a few gaming/comic/geek conventions annually.

My sibling’s abuser is also a frequent patron of these events, always alone (which is unusual in that scene). Every time I see him, …read more

Source:: The Mercury News – Lifestyle


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