Ask Amy: I’m his groomsman, and I’m in love with the bride

DEAR AMY: I’m in love with my best friend’s fiancee, and I’m set to be a groomsman at their wedding.

Columnist Amy Dickinson (Bill Hogan/Chicago Tribune)

I met the bride in college. We worked together. After months of office flirting, we spent a night together. I told her how I felt, and she reciprocated. However, the next day I got a “can we act like that didn’t happen and just be friends” text. I respected her request.

Many months later, we met our new co-worker. He and I became good friends. A year in, they started seeing one another. Despite being best friends, I never told him or anyone how I felt about her. I didn’t want to admit I was still holding onto one night from several years ago.

I moved away in an effort to distance myself from the relationship, but remained great friends to both. After years of turning down potential partners, I decided I deserved to be happy. I dated a woman for four years, and while I loved her very much, it never matched what I feel for the bride.

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Months will go by where I don’t think about her. But when I go back to visit, or if she’s brought up in conversation, I realize the feelings are still there.

So, here I am, seven years into this ridiculous infatuation. The groom is like a brother to me and I think they’re great together. I have no delusions about a future with her. I just want to be able to move on.

Can I gain closure without coming clean to the bride or groom? Because I fear to do so would end both relationships completely.


DEAR GROOMSMAN: This is basically the plot from “Four Weddings and a Funeral,” but I assume the outcome would be different, because life is not always like a movie. When you ponder the concept of “coming clean,” you have to also ask yourself: “What good would it do?” The answer here is “none.”

One way to gain closure would be for you to witness the wedding, and make a conscious choice to finally close the book on your infatuation. You’ve been moving toward this for several years, and you have largely been successful.

Continue to generously grant your friendship, and continue to keep your distance, because this …read more

Source:: The Mercury News – Lifestyle


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