It’s the eve of the most important midterm election in modern American history, and on “The Real Housewives of Orange County” episode that aired Monday, Nov. 5, that can only mean one thing: The wives are calm, sober and serious as they study sample ballots and prepare to exercise the right to vote earned for them by Susan B. Anthony and the rest of the cast of “The Real Housewives of the Suffragette Movement.”
Wait. I’m sorry. I seem to have inhaled some of the anesthetic gas intended for Housewife Vicki Gunvalson’s plastic surgery this week. Let me check the tape, see what’s really going on.
“I got my nose and my chin done,” Vicki says as a montage of her past vanity surgeries flashes on the screen like a bad dream. “I’ve had boobs. Tummy tuck. Boobs. Eye lift. Boobs. I’m going to have it tweaked and tweaked and pulled and pulled. I’m going to do it.”
I may be a little bit tweaked myself, but from the sound of it Vicki either has six breasts or couldn’t make up her dang mind about her bra size(s).
This is the real “Real Housewives,” and political campaigns and polling places — don’t you dare go there, Housewife Kelly Dodd — have no place here.
Instead, this week’s episode finds the wives finally home from Jamaica and back to doing what they do best: Plastic surgery — Vicki and Housewife Shannon Beador both go under the knife — as well as the usual bad behavior and backstabbing. Same old, same old, in other words.
Vicki’s boyfriend Steve Lodge takes her to the surgical offices for her lower face and neck lift, and she’s asked at reception whether she wants them to revive her in case something goes awry during the procedure.
“I do want to be resuscitated,” Vicki says as she declines the offered do-not-resuscitate order. “I’ve got a lot of things to do this week.”
She doesn’t seem particularly nervous, but then perhaps she doesn’t notice that the sign on the door of the operating room is also in braille.
The nurse then warns her that the drug she’s going to start her on has a funny side effect.
“It makes your hoo-ha buzz?” Vicki says. “Because I’ve had so many surgeries, I kinda sorta know what the hoo-ha buzz is.”
I pause the show to check Gray’s Anatomy to figure out where and what the heck the hoo-ha is, but alas I’m a recapper, Jim, not a doctor, so I have no idea.
Meanwhile across town, Housewife Shannon Beador is getting her eyes done, and Kelly is there to offer moral support, though why you’d count on Kelly for support is beyond me.
Earlier she popped up at her daughter’s acting studio and offered to demonstrate to the kid and her young pals her signature dance move, licking her fingers as she says, “Lick it up,” then smacking her butt as she adds, “Smack it up,” all before her embarrassed child can scream “Don’t!”
Vicki is out of surgery first, and Steve, bless …read more
Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment