Culture

Harriette Cole: My girlfriend hasn’t realized I’m gay. How do I break it to her?


DEAR HARRIETTE: Planning to tell my girlfriend about me being gay feels like stepping into an emotional unknown.

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We met through a mutual friend two years ago, and I was drawn to her beauty from the beginning. After a year together, she doesn’t know about my past with guys.

Lately, I’ve been feeling more attracted to men again, and even though I appreciate our genuine bond, my feelings for her have become more platonic. I would like to keep her in my life, but not in a way she is used to.

How do I explain this to her when I’m still figuring it out myself?

— Sexually Confused

DEAR SEXUALLY CONFUSED: It’s too bad that you weren’t upfront with your girlfriend about your sexual history before you two became intimate, but here you are.

Though this will likely be an uncomfortable conversation, it is necessary — especially if you are considering becoming sexually intimate with a man now or while you are with her. This would be true, by the way, if you decided you wanted to be sexually intimate with another woman, provided the two of you hadn’t already set boundaries on your relationship that allowed for multiple partners.

Be honorable in this situation. Let your girlfriend know that your feelings for her are real, but that you have discovered that your interest in men has not waned. As you are figuring out your life, you wanted to be honest with her.

Moreover, it sounds like you would prefer not to be her intimate partner anymore. Explore whether you two can be friends now, or perhaps you will need to give her space and possibly rekindle your friendship in the future.

The way you handle this can make space for the two of you to maintain a bond, even if it is not right away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I asked my friend to make me a crocheted laptop bag. We agreed on …read more

Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment

      

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