Harriette Cole: My boyfriend follows a toxic influencer

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am concerned about my boyfriend’s increasing interest in a toxic influencer who promotes harmful beliefs about women.

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This person from our high school recently went viral for his controversial views on polyamory and masculinity, advocating for it by showing his lifestyle of having three live-in partners at once.

I noticed my boyfriend watching his videos and, despite my initial dismissal, I now fear that his perspective is being influenced.

When I confronted him about sharing one of the posts on Facebook, he brushed it off and told me to mind my own business. He yelled that we should not dictate who the other gets to follow.

I am unsure of how to address this situation and would appreciate some advice.

— Brainwashed Boyfriend

DEAR BRAINWASHED BOYFRIEND: Don’t let your boyfriend’s brush-off work. Tell him that you two need to have a serious conversation.

Yes, he is right in saying that you shouldn’t police his social media engagement. At the same time, you are legitimately concerned that he seems to condone behavior that is troubling to you and goes against your values.

Ask him directly what his thoughts are on having multiple partners and if this is something he wants to do. Because you want to learn the truth, do your best to ask him in a way where he won’t feel he’s being lectured.

Ask him if he has ever been in a relationship with more than one person at a time. What is his ideal relationship? Get him to talk about his thoughts on the subject.

It could be that he is just fascinated by a person who is an extremist. What you want to watch for is if he actually wants to try this. If you don’t, you need to make that completely clear.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is going through a divorce to a man she was married to for 20 years, and she’s having a hard time coping. She feels overwhelmed, sad and uncertain about her future.

She has always been a strong and independent person, but this situation has really taken a toll on her emotional and mental well-being. She often expresses feelings of loneliness and fear about what lies …read more

Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment


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