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Dear Abby: I don’t forgive her, so how do I respond to her apology?


Jeanne Phillips (Dear Abby)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 32 years. Back in the mid-1990s, my husband cheated on me.

A little over a year ago the woman he cheated with reached out to me via social media to apologize. She said she is now sober, has found religion and is trying to mend her wrongdoings.

I never responded to her because I didn’t know what to say. I don’t hate her, but in my mind, if I say I forgive her, it’s like I’m agreeing with what she did — and I don’t.

How do you tell someone you don’t forgive them?

APOLOGY NOT ACCEPTED

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DEAR A.N.A.: Nothing requires you to say anything to the woman. However, if you decide to break your silence, the comment you made in your letter, “I don’t hate you, but in my mind, if I say I forgive you, it’s like I’m agreeing with what you did — and I don’t,” would suffice. It’s succinct, polite and conveys your feelings accurately.

But don’t hold onto the grudge, because it is not healthy — for you.

DEAR ABBY: I have had an older man as a roommate for two months now. He’s very kind and intelligent. He also has dementia. I didn’t realize it when he moved in.

He’s estranged from his family, although I know of a few people he does talk to on the phone.

As his condition worsens, so does his memory and his ability to understand simple explanations. I’m afraid that, as this continues, I’ll be obligated to take care of him. I am not capable of doing it, nor do I desire to.

I don’t know how to handle this because I have asked him previously whom I should contact “in case of emergency” and got no reply. Help, please.

UNEQUIPPED IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNEQUIPPED: Initiating a conversation with your roommate about your concerns is critical, particularly while he is in early stages of dementia.

Be open and honest about your capabilities and find out what his plans are for long-term care as …read more

Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment

      

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