Ask Amy: He’s up to 200 beers a week, and he thinks I’m bluffing about divorce

Dear Amy: I am so conflicted about what to do regarding my marriage.

Amy Dickinson 

Back in 2010, I quit drinking. My husband promised to quit with me. Unfortunately, he is still drinking heavily.

I have expressed my need to be with a sober husband. He has promised to stop drinking. He even went to a hospital to detox. This lasted for seven weeks but ultimately failed because he did not participate in a follow-up plan.

The hospital diagnosed him as depressed and alcoholic. He took his meds for six weeks, and then stopped.

He is very hard to live with. He has never hit me, but the verbal abuse gets bad.

I told him that if we are going to stay together, the drinking has to stop. He agreed to this but keeps drinking. He maintained that he could drink once a week, but that hasn’t worked. Now he drinks 200 beers a week.

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I started attending counseling for myself.

Today he told me that he doesn’t like how he feels when he’s drinking, but he doesn’t know how to stay sober.

I again offered to help with inpatient rehab and a follow-up plan, but he insists he can do this on his own.

I keep reminding him that if he continues to drink, I will file for divorce. He is just so used to me putting up with it!

I do love him but living with a drunken husband sucks the life out of me.

Ready for Change

Dear Ready: When you’re truly ready for a change, you will make that change, instead of expecting your alcohol-addicted husband to make it for you.

I hope you will review your choices, and your reactions, with your counselor. Also, attend a “friends and family” support group, like Al-Anon (

I suggest that if you remove your own need to monitor, attend to, and respond to your husband’s drinking, your husband will have one less reason to avoid treatment.

My point is that you are alternately pushing him to stop and then cushioning him when he doesn’t, and so you are absorbing some of the real consequences of his drinking, which for him …read more

Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment


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