Ask Amy: He went way out of line in refusing to share his appetizer

Dear Amy: Several years ago, my husband and I visited his brother and wife for a vacation. We stayed with them and relied on them for transportation.

Amy Dickinson 

One night, we went out to dinner. His brother ordered some fried pickles as an appetizer.

My husband told him he had never had one before and reached over to take one. His brother slapped his hand hard and told him he would order him his own.

My husband, myself and his brother’s wife were in shock.

Because we were staying with them and at their mercy, we didn’t say anything. I tried to pay for our dinner after that, but his brother refused to let us. Nothing more was said.

Since then, my husband and I agreed if we ever did visit again, we would never stay with them.

The problem is, we can’t seem to get closure on this.

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His brother never apologized, nor has it ever been brought up again between the two brothers, even though they have stayed in touch.

Should we ask for an apology? Should we let him know how much we were hurt by his actions? We want to visit again, but we are not sure how to get over this experience.

Disappointed Sister-in-Law

Dear Disappointed: Many people treat their dinners like a freewheeling buffet — what’s mine is yours — but there are some people (and I am one of them) who are triggered by others taking food from them, without being invited or asking permission.

What your husband did (“Hmmm, I’ve never had that before; I’ll just help myself”) was also a very sibling-like thing to do, revealing behavior between the two brothers that probably goes back to childhood.

What your brother-in-law did in response was inexcusable.

Everybody’s reaction since then has been inexplicable.

Your husband and his brother have maintained a speaking relationship. He is waiting for an apology that will never come.

Unfortunately, bro-code often suggests that the aggrieved party should just “get over it,” without an acknowledgment or apology from the aggressor. It’s possible that this twisted ethic actually …read more

Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment


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